2-5-12

Lately it has just been me gripping so tightly to everything.. and gasping for control. I float from one extreme to the other, and I never reach the shore. I'm so anxious and needy, so wound-up and desperate.. for what?

I realized that I am human, that I am seventeen, and that if I want control- first I have to let go. It is extremely frightening for me to loosen my fingers, one by one, from this iron grip- but maybe it is terribly necessary to do so. Seventeen is prime, so are the next few years of my life, and if I don't let go it will be such a grand waste. I'll do what I can, when I can, nothing more.

Then maybe I can finally discover who I am and why I'm here and press 'GO' from that point. Because pressing the accelerator from such a crazy, depressed, anxious place keeps leading to twenty-car-pile-ups in my brain.